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Kids, let me talk you down from the ledge. It’s all going to be okay.

Seriously.  Repeat it with me.  It’s all going to be okay.

I am a terrible person and could not wait, so as soon as I got home from work I streamed the 100th Bones episode “The Parts of the Sum in the Whole.”  Can I just say it is so not fair that Canada gets it one day earlier?  You can put that on my list of reasons I want to move there along with universal health care.

As a rabid spoiler reader, I was in denial for weeks.  I didn’t want to believe that my beloved Brennan would break Booth’s lion heart.  This is just the promotional machine churning out flotsam to get us all excited and to buy their magazines or watch their entertainment news!  They just want to tease us and drive us mad!

Denial moved into shock after seeing the last five minutes.  Cried like a friggin’ baby.  It is then the sharp pain in the heart hit me like a brick.  Watched the last five minutes again, cried some more. Took the dog for a walk around the block and sobbed.  The neighbors must have thought someone died.

My anger and depression phases typically morph together, which is exactly what happened on my stroll with Max.  There I was, in my flip flops and pajama pants, lit cigarette waving in the air as I scold the Brennan in my head:

Seriously, Bren?  He knew the moment he met you six years ago and you’re still afraid of him leaving you?  He said he wants to be with you for “thirty, forty, fifty years” and you can’t bring yourself to even try?  I’m sorry, but rationally, that’s total bullshit.

I hope to God I wasn’t rambling out loud.  I was sort of in a daze.

By the time I returned back home, ready for the 8:00 airing on Fox, I came to the conclusion that it’s all going to be okay.  We’ve got at least a season left, maybe two.  We’ve also got actors, actresses, writers, creators, and all sorts of other crazy decision makers in our court.  Let us remind ourselves that that this is not Moonlighting, this is just a much more evolved Remington Steele. It may have taken every. single. episode, but Laura Holt got her man in the end, right?  And Hart Hanson has proven he is not Chris Carter by allowing us to see Booth and Brennan’s private relationship evolve on screen along with their professional one.

So I say, let us just calm down.  It’s gonna be okay.  It’s in good hands.  After all, isn’t that what Cyndi Lauper said she saw in the cards?

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Mad Props to Deschanel

A good friend of mine had been touting Bones for years.  She lived with me through my college years, which I refer to as “My Obsession Trifecta: Buffy, X-Files, and All My Children.”  During last TV’s season finale craze, I happened upon the final episode and instantly fell in lust.

First, David Boreanez.  I can watch that man read the phone book for hours, preferably with his shirt off.  SO much hotter than Edward, those thirteen year old Twilight girls have no idea how sexy a vampire can be.  As much as I loved Angel, Agent Seely Booth has that combination of goofyness and moral compass that any girl could melt over.

However lately, I’ve been Emily Deshanel obsessed.  My connection with Dr. Temperance Brennan (more in future posts, I promise) led me to venture more into the elder Deschanel sister’s resume to see where this chick has come from.  The answer: left field.  Her body of work prior to Bones is rife with guest appearances in TV Shows (Law & Order: SVU, Providence), bit parts in films (Spiderman 2, Cold Mountain) and crap that is downright unwatchable due to poor writing.  Seriously.  Try to get through Boogeyman. Tell me you didn’t keep with Easy just for the sex scenes with the dude from Lost. Legend has it she came to Hart Hanson’s casting couch at the recommendation of Jerry Bruckheimer, who just finished producing her in Glory Road.  Thank God. It was clear that Hollywood saw talent, but didn’t know what to do with the package it came in.

What do I mean?  Emily Deshanel is not a waif like the rest of the women you see in films.  She’s got hips and thighs and… Hollywood forbid, breasts.  She’s got the body of a 50’s film star, which seems to confuse the hell out of casting directors these days.  Sure, blast me for commenting on an actress’ weight and body type.  You only argue because you know I’m right.

Quick Google searches have led me to a multitude of websites devoted to Emily’s animal rights activism, desire to be environmentally friendly, and even her fondness for Stella McCartney .  It also increases my fascination that she’s dating Rickety Cricket.  Do you think she hangs out with Sweet Dee and Mac?

It is my only hope that one day, Ms. Deschanel is cast in another meaty role that elevates her to the status she deserves.  Here’s hoping it’s a slapstick comedy. For now, I will enjoy Bones and be thankful for any little tidbit she will divulge in testimony her awesomeness.

Thank you for humoring me.  I’m just so excited about the 100th episode.

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